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November brought a big silent pause to my life. Even more than the busyness of Christmas preparation, and the need to find a job outside the home for the first time in a decade, I found that rejections and disappointments had sapped my desire to write. I was ready to call it quits.
My devoted friends and critique partners all encouraged me, but there was no returning in my mind. I said goodbye to a few writing groups, including an invaluable critique group full of very talented and dear folks. I would have left the rest, too, except I found my time consumed to the point of being unable to go online to do so. I grieved the loss of more years than I could count writing. I wondered what had it all been for?
I thrust myself into my retail job, working 38 hour weeks and desperately trying to keep up on my kids' homework and my housework, all the while dying to my dearest dreams and deepest desires. It was over, and I couldn't figure out why. Had God told me I was done, or had fatigue?
Then January came after the Christmas rush and my hours slackened off at work. I could breathe again. I dreamed a new story and woke to write it down in detail. I wanted to write, and the grief was gone.
My friends were right. God hadn't given me a moratorium, He had given me a sabbatical. And my head is clear enough again to love weaving words and story once again.
Thank you, John, Debbie Lynne, Leann, Suzie H, Suzanne C, Scribes 213, Barb, Tina P, crazy-hair Diane, MaryAlice, Nancy, Payton, Matt, Tracy, James, Gordon, Grace, Linore, Melanie, Laurie Alice, and my countless friends in this crazy writing world. You have all blessed and touched my life with your courage and tenacity.
Some words to ponder by a great Christian music artist, Jason Upton
No Sacrifice
To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to
To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life
To you I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?
Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is staronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life
To you I give my future
As long as it may last
To you I give my present
To you I give my past
Because
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life
I know that was a tough mountain to climb, my friend, but I never doubted for a minute that you wouldn't. Your gift to write is a part of who you are. A part of what God designed you to be. You have a talent and God doesn't call us to waste our talents. There are people in the world that need to hear your stories. People who will be touched by them, changed by them. I'm glad you've awaken to feel rested and renewed. I missed you, my dear friend.
ReplyDeleteKathleen,
ReplyDeleteI could feel the pain in your blog, and I hurt with you. And then I rejoiced with you. I think those of us authors who have been around for any length of time have gone through these kinds of days of discouragement. I can remember one day that I got six rejections in the mail. That was a bit much!
But God is so faithful, and if he has called one to write, he WILL bring it to pass in his time. That's not just cliche'-- you can depend on it :)
Blessings as you move forward!
i offer to you all that i can, a prayer and warm thought...and knowledge that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteblessings i hope will find you.
Kathleen, I'd only heard bits of pieces of what you were going through during the process. But I'm glad to hear the Lord has brought you back to writing! Many writers take time off to refresh their spirits and get new direction from the Lord. It's almost a necessity in this business! Thanks for your honesty. And many many blessings on what the Lord will have you writing next!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back!
ReplyDeleteMy own "sabbatical" was painful and I'm glad it's over.
Everyone needs a break from time to time, and taking on a new job is challenging. Isn't it funny, and encouraging, that when we think we finally know [insert words] - it isn't long before we discover we didn't know, after all.
ReplyDeleteThe storyteller re-awoke. Lovely!
Grace
Hi Kathleen, taking time off to reevaluate your goals and desires seems like a very wise idea. Glad you are feeling that pull to write again.
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard to face rejections and redirections, but your time writing was not wasted! You exercised your creativity and grew in your skills. You are a writer, and now you have a new story and a renewed desire to press on.
Blessings,
Carrie
Awake,awake oh sleeper! Arise shine for His light has come! @Kathleen(the paper or plastic girl), your words are part of the vessel He wants to pour Himself out through. Your prolonged silence will parch the ground He desires to water. So let it rain.....!!! Love, Your Mother From the "Boot Country"
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow. I returned from work this evening to see that my comments here runneth over, and the love has been poured out. I am doubly blessed.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Golden, Carrie, Grace, MaryLu, Rachel, Debbie Lynne, and Payton. Thank you, Muse. Your kind thoughts and gestures here show the wonderful community which God has allowed me to be part.
I'm SOOOO happy for you that you AREN'T finished yet! I went three months this winter with almost no writing. Much due to stress and being overly tired, and my creativity being sapped. But God is so faithful when we get to that low spot in our lives, and always give us what we need, when we need it. Praise God for your breakthrough! I just walked out of my valley a few days ago, too.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea, Miralee. I'm glad you've had your breakthrough, too. Praying for inspiration for your writing.
ReplyDeletehugs,
Kathy
This is amazing. I knew you'd come back. Writing was a gift within you, something planted in you by God. I knew He would complete the work within you. Praise God! Praise God! I'm so glad you're coming back to the writing world. Please keep in touch with me and we will encourage one another together.
ReplyDeleteI love ya, Kathleen and can't wait to see you shine.
Britt
Britt, It's so great to see your words again! I really miss you and your wonderful story, and all the folks at scribes. I would be thrilled to keep in touch and even swap writing on an unofficial basis from time to time. ;) Love and hugs sent your way.
ReplyDeleteKathy
Kathleen, I can so relate. I'm back to working full-time and I have yet to resume writing of any kind, not even my blog. I pray God helps us to keep plugging away even when life gets in the way.
ReplyDeleteKathleen, we talked about my sabbaticals. A bit about yours. I know it's hard not to write. For a writer it's almost as bad as trying to hold your breath. But I'm sure you learned that a writer can hold their breath and not turn blue. Breaks are sometimes is a necessary. Because life can happen, and busyness can over take us. Writers need time to refocus and energize their minds again. The best way to do that is to stop and take some time to hear the still small voice of God. Then the imagination finds it's wings again.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are surfacing again,and ready to soar.
Blessings
Tina
Tina, you are precious. Thank you. I am saving all of these inspirational words for the next time I doubt.
ReplyDeleteSharon, Oh! I can't believe it's hit you, too. I will pray that you are able to find your inspiration and time again to exercise your wonderful gift. You've made room for so many others' gifts on your blog that I know you will reap a harvest and your gift will make room for you.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Kathy